What women really mean when they say...

What women really mean when they say...

 By Chris Simpson

 One of the hardest things about being a guy is trying to figure out what exactly it is that they have done to upset the girl. We have all been in the situation where a girl says something, you the guy agree, and then the girl gets mad. This process is enough to leave us exhausted and literally pulling our hair out. I honestly believe that this is the actual reason for male baldness. Well I am going to let you in on some insider secrets about real definitions behind some commonly used phrases by women. What women really mean when they say...

1. "Nothing"    When you ask a woman what is wrong and she snaps back "nothing," do not take this at face value. What she is really saying is that "I am so mad at you I can't even talk right now, but later tonight when you are watching TV. I am going to incite violence against you." Another thing that adds fury to this situation is the fact you don't know what you did already!!! Best Solution is to tell the staff at the Flower Gallery what happened, and let them make you an elegant "I should have known and will never do it again" bouquet.

2.  "Don't worry I got it"    This is not a woman trying to be independent. This is probably something she has asked us to do multiple times, but now is having to do it herself. This is a situation you cannot win. You messed up by not doing the task immediately, and will most likely pay for this by having to buy flowers. Best Solution is to tell the staff at the Flower Gallery what happened, and let them make you an elegant "I'm Sorry I wasn't fast enough" bouquet.

3. "Fine"       This word is very simple. When a women says this it means I may sound like I am agreeing to do it your way, but if you do not back down then she will make you pay later. When you hear a woman say "fine" you can almost guarantee that by the end of the night you will be asking what is wrong and you will hear "nothing," and the whole process of number one will repeat itself. For this apology you need to tell the flower gallery you need an "I was wrong and you were right as always, and I will not forget" bouquet.

4. "Five Minutes"    This doesn't mean 5 minutes unless you live in snail land, or go by a biblical clock. When a woman tells you she will be ready in five minutes, or will only be in the store for five minutes, this is the same as them saying "I will be finished when I am ready to be finished and if you rush me then the consequences will be bad." This is also a double edged sword as well. If a woman tells you to help clean the house or to stop watching the game, and you reply "give me five minutes," you can guarantee this five minutes will actually only be one minute to a minute and a half. If you happen to cross that line and respond to any of these negatively, then go tell the flower gallery to make you an "I'm sorry I am stupid" bouquet.

5. "Whatever"    This is the one word you never want to hear. This word is worse than her saying "fine." The actual interpretation to this word is F*%& you. You can almost guarantee that the punishment to this will be more than you can tolerate. To make up for this one you need to tell the flower gallery that you need a huge bouquet. There is not going to be a funny catch phrase with this one because unless you give some kind of expensive jewelry with this bouquet, then you are wasting your time.

      All of these secrets were revealed to me by a trusted female informant, my fiancée, who I have to repay with some favors. So if you see me out and I am carrying a purse and walking behind my fiancée with this defeated look on my face just remember I did it for you.

Traditions of the Wedding Gown

The Wedding Gown

Flowers by The Flower Gallery

 

Colors and Symbols

"Married in White, you have chosen right
Married in Grey, you will go far away,
Married in Black, you will wish yourself back,
Married in Red, you will wish yourself dead,
Married in Green, ashamed to be seen,
Married in Blue, you will always be true,
Married in Pearl, you will live in a whirl,
Married in Yellow, ashamed of your fellow,
Married in Brown, you will live in the town,
Married in Pink, your spirit will sink."

~ Since the early Romans, white has symbolized a joyful celebration. A white gown also symbolizes purity.

~ It was also thought that the white wedding gown also served to ward off evil spirits. Omens, evil spirits and good luck talismen were always a part of the ancients wedding traditions.

~ It was once said that the bride should never make her own dress and should wait to have the last stitch sewn until just before she entered the church.

~ It was also a popular tradition that the bride should not try on her complete wedding outfit before the wedding day or, it was felt, she would be "counting her chickens before they hatched."

~ The tradition for the bride to wear white as a symbol of the bride's purity and her worthiness to her groom began in the the 16th century.

~ Traditional bows, or love knots, which resemble a number eight on its side, originated in the late 1500's. The sideways eight, is also the sign for infinity. In years past, brides wore dresses covered with love knots and after the wedding, guests would snip them off as souvenirs.
Part 1 of the 7 part series.

Man's Guide to Buying Flowers!!!

Man's Guide to Buying Flowers!!!

I believe the title says it all. There are two things that are certain in life, Burger King's double cheeseburger's are better than McDonalds, and that people will always screw up. If you are a guy like me then you screw up a lot. I have actually been diagnosed with "afootinmouthitis." It is a very common disease, that usually only affects men age 10-85. This disease appears to be genetic and incurable. There are however treatments for the people who have to put up with people infected by this disease. The best treatment I have found is flowers. About 89% of the time they have worked for me depending largely on how far down my throat I stuck my foot. If a person decides to go the route of giving flowers to make amends, then there are a few things you should understand. First is that any flower will not do. Second is that when you are picking out flowers you have to remember that every flower says something. There is a certain flower for every occasion, kind of like a Hallmark card. Here is a guide I try to live by when it comes to buying flowers, that have worked in the past for me:

Flower- Hyacinth

Meaning- This flower begs for forgiveness. This is the one you give when you are not sure what you did, you are afraid to ask, and you think it might be bad!!!

Flower- Daffodil 

Meaning - Tells the other person that they  are the only one in your life. You would give these flowers if you are caught staring at another girls anatomy for too long, or smiling at another pretty girl.

Flower- Primrose

Meaning- You mean the world to me and I was so wrong and you are so right. This is the flower you make sure to include in a bouquet when you do something really bad such as forget an anniversary, birthday, or worse... * This is an EMERGENCY ONLY flower!!!

Now we all go through periods where we do not get in to trouble. It almost seems as if we have been miraculously cured. Do not get too over zealous this is nature's way of reminding you that it is in control.You will do something stupid again soon enough. Do not fret though, you can use this to your advantage. These time are when you build up a get out of jail free brownie points.

This next list of flowers are flowers you give for no special reason then just to tell them you love them.

Flower-White Carnation

Meaning- This flower means pure love. When you give this flower to your love you are reminding them that your love is ageless.

Flower- Forget me not

Meaning- True Love- This is the equivalent of telling your partner that you two were meant to be.

Flower- Red Chrysantheum

Meaning- I Love You. This flower just plain and simply says I love you. Sometimes that is all that needs to be said.

Flower- Red Tulip

 Meaning- Tells your partner that they are the perfect lover.This is the flower you would use if you know you have a screw up coming. This tells them that they are your every need and desire rolled into one. This flower will get you rewards in the bedroom 87% of the time. 

     On a quick serious note it is amazing the beauties that nature provides. These meanings of flowers are not set in stone, but have been tried and tested by myself and proven true. One thing I do want to make very clear is that just because you have given someone flowers doesn't mean that you are entitled to bedroom rewards. One more thing to add is that if flowers don't work then you may have to go for jewelry, Expensive jewelry. Nobody ever said love was cheap.

  Written by Chris Simpson

The Meaning of Roses

I remember Valentines Day in high school we were given the option to purchase a Rose from the school. The rose would be delivered to the person of your choice mid-day on Valentines. There were 3 colors you could choose from Red, Pink, and White. There was always a huge uproar about making sure you sent the right color to express your feelings. So this is for all of you who cannot remember what the colors mean:

Pink In general, symbolizes grace and gentility. The pink rose carries the message "you're gentle and graceful". Deep pink says "thank you". Light pink conveys admiration and sympathy. Peach Conveys sociabilty and friendship, modesty, appreciation, admiration and sympathy. Red No color can say "I love you" better than this Valentine favorite. It not only speaks of passion but also stands for noble values such as respect and courage. White Has several special meanings - "you're heavenly," reverence and humility, innocence and purity, "I'm worthy of you," and secrecy and silence. In rose history, white roses are just as colorful as red ones. Yellow Expresses joy and gladness - the best gift for new mothers, newlyweds and graduates. Yellow roses are also a "not-too-obvious" reminder for the busy husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. Orange Denotes enthusiasm and desire. Perfect for letting people know that you want to get to know them better. Hopefully this can be a quick guide to assist anyone who has questions. The best way to say I love you is a dozen red roses, they can also say "IM SORRY!!!

How to organize a wedding with less stress

Planning a wedding from start to finish is definitely not an easy task and can bring with it many moments of exhaustion and stress. As any bride and groom will tell you, planning a wedding involves decisions, responsibility for those decisions, each of which has their own cost of course. So, how to get away from all this responsibility and take a breather? How do you get through the process of planning a wedding without going crazy with all the details? Sometimes you just have to take a step back and get away from it all so that you can return calmer, renewed and with all the energy necessary to embrace the challenge that is planning a wedding. Here are some suggestions that will help you relax and de-stress during the entire process.

Go out to dinner with the girls/guys

There’s nothing like a night out with the girls or the guys to forget about wedding planning and simply laugh and talk about good old girl and guy stuff. Before heading out to dinner, tell your friends that the word wedding is totally off limits and if anyone forgets and initiates a conversation about it, they have to buy a round of drinks for everyone else!

Plan a weekend where the topic “wedding” is forbidden

For an entire weekend, just be a couple – a boyfriend and a girlfriend who have not yet decided to get married. Reminisce about the first weeks and months you dated, flirt with each other, be lovers… and not a thought or word about weddings or wedding plans.

Go for a drive

Hold hands and head out for a drive to the beach or to a local park or garden: once there, go for a romantic walk and talk about everything under the sun, except your impending wedding. Celebrate the fact that you can get away from it all, relax and enjoy each other’s company… continue sharing and making memorable moments.

Plan a game night

Forget wedding planning for one night and have some fun! Set up a game night with your favorite PlayStation, Wii, card or board games and just have a ball. Whoever loses has to be the other person’s slave for a day… doing what? Well, that’s entirely up to you…

Set up a sexy date

Make reservations at a great restaurant and book a room at a fancy hotel – if possible with a romantic view! Get all dressed up, have a wonderful and elegant dinner, stop at a bar for a delicious cocktail, go for a moonlit walk and then top the night off at a luxurious hotel. Celebrate your love… you deserve it!

Work out

If you don’t have gym memberships than get outside! If neither of you enjoy jogging, than go for a nice brisk walk, enjoy the outdoors and each other’s company – a perfect way to relax and forget all the wedding stress. If you do have gym memberships, than head on over there and get in a great workout: there’s nothing like getting the adrenaline pumping to forget all your worries.

Enjoy a romantic dinner at home

If you both enjoy cooking or just want to try out a new recipe together, than plan a night where you can do just that. Go shopping together for the ingredients: buy a bottle of champagne to enjoy with dinner, plan a sexy and easy to make recipe (so you don’t have to spend all night in the kitchen) and have fun preparing it. Then, set the mood with some candles, soft music and enjoy your romantic dinner, free of wedding talk.

Remember that your wedding day is only one day, so planning it should be a process that although may be difficult and stressful at times, should also be something fun, something that will help you grow closer, something that you’ll want to remember as a couple. During the entire wedding planning process, never forget what is most important: each other