Man's Guide to Buying Flowers!!!
I believe the title says it all. There are two things that are certain in life, Burger King's double cheeseburger's are better than McDonalds, and that people will always screw up. If you are a guy like me then you screw up a lot. I have actually been diagnosed with "afootinmouthitis." It is a very common disease, that usually only affects men age 10-85. This disease appears to be genetic and incurable. There are however treatments for the people who have to put up with people infected by this disease. The best treatment I have found is flowers. About 89% of the time they have worked for me depending largely on how far down my throat I stuck my foot. If a person decides to go the route of giving flowers to make amends, then there are a few things you should understand. First is that any flower will not do. Second is that when you are picking out flowers you have to remember that every flower says something. There is a certain flower for every occasion, kind of like a Hallmark card. Here is a guide I try to live by when it comes to buying flowers, that have worked in the past for me:
Flower- Hyacinth Meaning- This flower begs for forgiveness. This is the one you give when you are not sure what you did, you are afraid to ask, and you think it might be bad!!!
Flower- Daffodil
Meaning - Tells the other person that they are the only one in your life. You would give these flowers if you are caught staring at another girls anatomy for too long, or smiling at another pretty girl.
Flower- Primrose
Meaning- You mean the world to me and I was so wrong and you are so right. This is the flower you make sure to include in a bouquet when you do something really bad such as forget an anniversary, birthday, or worse... * This is an EMERGENCY ONLY flower!!!
Now we all go through periods where we do not get in to trouble. It almost seems as if we have been miraculously cured. Do not get too over zealous this is nature's way of reminding you that it is in control.You will do something stupid again soon enough. Do not fret though, you can use this to your advantage. These time are when you build up a get out of jail free brownie points.
This next list of flowers are flowers you give for no special reason then just to tell them you love them.
Flower-White Carnation
Meaning- This flower means pure love. When you give this flower to your love you are reminding them that your love is ageless.
Flower- Forget me not
Meaning- True Love- This is the equivalent of telling your partner that you two were meant to be.
Flower- Red Chrysantheum
Meaning- I Love You. This flower just plain and simply says I love you. Sometimes that is all that needs to be said.
Flower- Red Tulip
Meaning- Tells your partner that they are the perfect lover.This is the flower you would use if you know you have a screw up coming. This tells them that they are your every need and desire rolled into one. This flower will get you rewards in the bedroom 87% of the time.
On a quick serious note it is amazing the beauties that nature provides. These meanings of flowers are not set in stone, but have been tried and tested by myself and proven true. One thing I do want to make very clear is that just because you have given someone flowers doesn't mean that you are entitled to bedroom rewards. One more thing to add is that if flowers don't work then you may have to go for jewelry, Expensive jewelry. Nobody ever said love was cheap.
Written by Chris Simpson
