What women really mean when they say...
By Chris Simpson
One of the hardest things about being a guy is trying to figure out what exactly it is that they have done to upset the girl. We have all been in the situation where a girl says something, you the guy agree, and then the girl gets mad. This process is enough to leave us exhausted and literally pulling our hair out. I honestly believe that this is the actual reason for male baldness. Well I am going to let you in on some insider secrets about real definitions behind some commonly used phrases by women. What women really mean when they say...
1. "Nothing" When you ask a woman what is wrong and she snaps back "nothing," do not take this at face value. What she is really saying is that "I am so mad at you I can't even talk right now, but later tonight when you are watching TV. I am going to incite violence against you." Another thing that adds fury to this situation is the fact you don't know what you did already!!! Best Solution is to tell the staff at the Flower Gallery what happened, and let them make you an elegant "I should have known and will never do it again" bouquet.
2. "Don't worry I got it" This is not a woman trying to be independent. This is probably something she has asked us to do multiple times, but now is having to do it herself. This is a situation you cannot win. You messed up by not doing the task immediately, and will most likely pay for this by having to buy flowers. Best Solution is to tell the staff at the Flower Gallery what happened, and let them make you an elegant "I'm Sorry I wasn't fast enough" bouquet.
3. "Fine" This word is very simple. When a women says this it means I may sound like I am agreeing to do it your way, but if you do not back down then she will make you pay later. When you hear a woman say "fine" you can almost guarantee that by the end of the night you will be asking what is wrong and you will hear "nothing," and the whole process of number one will repeat itself. For this apology you need to tell the flower gallery you need an "I was wrong and you were right as always, and I will not forget" bouquet.
4. "Five Minutes" This doesn't mean 5 minutes unless you live in snail land, or go by a biblical clock. When a woman tells you she will be ready in five minutes, or will only be in the store for five minutes, this is the same as them saying "I will be finished when I am ready to be finished and if you rush me then the consequences will be bad." This is also a double edged sword as well. If a woman tells you to help clean the house or to stop watching the game, and you reply "give me five minutes," you can guarantee this five minutes will actually only be one minute to a minute and a half. If you happen to cross that line and respond to any of these negatively, then go tell the flower gallery to make you an "I'm sorry I am stupid" bouquet.
5. "Whatever" This is the one word you never want to hear. This word is worse than her saying "fine." The actual interpretation to this word is F*%& you. You can almost guarantee that the punishment to this will be more than you can tolerate. To make up for this one you need to tell the flower gallery that you need a huge bouquet. There is not going to be a funny catch phrase with this one because unless you give some kind of expensive jewelry with this bouquet, then you are wasting your time.
All of these secrets were revealed to me by a trusted female informant, my fiancée, who I have to repay with some favors. So if you see me out and I am carrying a purse and walking behind my fiancée with this defeated look on my face just remember I did it for you.
